I’ve never had suicidal thoughts, thankfully, but for some years have gone through peaks and valleys. When in my valleys, I can get pretty down and irritable, and sometimes it lasts a while. 

My family feels it the most. My wife recognized I hadn’t been in tip-top shape for more than just a while. I admit I haven’t managed my workload or prioritized the more essential things in life very well recently. That has certainly contributed to my angst. (Not to mention 2020 is the craziest year ever.)

I didn’t want to go to the appointment at first but didn’t have a great excuse not to so I went. 

Now, I’m not going to give any more detail about my mental health, “cause that’s my business” (Tabitha Brown, you are a delight). But the reality is this is not uncommon and unfortunately there’s a lot of stigmatization around mental health.

THE STATE OF DEPRESSION AND BURNOUT

After doing a quick search, I learned, according to the National Network of Depression Centers, “Depression is the leading cause of disability in the United States among people ages 15-44.” (NNDC Research) And the Anxiety and Depression Association of America (ADAA) finds “Almost 75% of people with mental disorders remain untreated.” (ADAA Research) 

Sales can exacerbate the stress. Even before COVID, 64% of salespeople agreed or strongly agreed they were close to burning out. (Thrive Global). 

This isn’t intended to minimize other significant problems in the world. Many people are suffering from significant issues. But it seems there are a lot of us who should take our mental health more seriously. 

WHAT IS XANT DOING

That’s why I appreciate that our CEO, Chris Harrington, on a company all-hands call yesterday, announced a company-wide mandated day off every third Friday of the month beginning September 25. 

The reason? To give employees time to be with our families, to de-stress, and to take care of what’s most important. 

This is huge! It’s not the only thing but it matters. And other companies are doing similar things, which is awesome. 

I told my wife and we’ve already planned a family hike. I’ll tell the kids I’m choosing to take off work and will look like a hero. Everybody wins. 

WHAT CAN YOU DO

Whether or not you’re able to take work off during the week, in whatever spare time you have there are some great things you can do to care for stress and depression.

I’m not an expert, but I can copy and paste stuff from experts. Here’s a list of recommendations I stole from ADAA (there’s a lot more detail on their site so check out the link below):

1. Distract yourself with positively distracting activities
2. Keep a schedule
3. Get outside
4. Stay in touch (with people)
5. Exercise
6. Laugh
7. Limit checking your phone
8. Enjoy time with your immediate family

ADAA Recommendations

IMPORTANT NOTE: If you are struggling with suicidal thoughts, get help. The National Suicide Prevention Lifeline is 800-273-8255. Too many people struggle needlessly. 

A FINAL THOUGHT

Thank goodness for the people in our lives who love and care about us! 

When my twin daughters were 5 years old, one of them observed, while on a family drive and in a moment of unusual silence, “Dad, mommy’s the boss. You’re just the helper of the boss.”

Here’s to all the real bosses who schedule doctor’s appointments or seek help against our wills. 

Throughout my childhood, my father was in prison for drug charges. I remember visiting him in Chino. Dad classified Chino as a “country club,” that visit drove home a stark realization for me—my dad’s choices were severely limited in prison. That unforgettable experience taught me that the most powerful thing in the world is the power of choice. Today, 34 years after that visit, the power of choice continues to influence my actions, and it is something I have continued to teach my children. Every decision you make either expands or narrows your choices.

Today, as we recognize the end of slavery in the United States and celebrate Juneteenth, my heart hurts for the enslaved men, women, and children whose power of choice was removed by the actions of others. Kidnapped. Bought. Sold. Raped. Beaten. Abused. Starved. Killed. I further reflect on how actions of others in a post-slavery time in the United States (redlining, for example) continue to dramatically narrow options and choices for my black sisters and brothers. This makes my heart hurt for them.

Fear.

Fear is one of the most powerful human emotions. It can provoke paralysis, irrationality, mob mentality, hatred, and violence. In history, fear has fueled uprisings, overthrows, wars, and genocides. It has been the campaign platform of many an autocrat. Fear robs us of our potential because instead of focusing on possibility, it prompts us to focus on impossibility.

Racial prejudice has caused more than its share of fear in the United States. Black people, because of ingrained racial prejudice, must fear violence at the hands of white people and the police. Underrepresented minorities must fear rejection by a society that doesn’t reflect them. LGBTQ citizens must fear discrimination, disadvantage, and hatred based solely on their gender identification or sexual orientation. In recent weeks, thousands of stories have been told–personal stories–where fear, hatred, and discrimination have caused death, destruction, and impossible obstacles for people of color. These stories have shocked, offended, and brought us to tears. In many cases, we did not know the pain and fear our friends have suffered due to discrimination. As we continue to learn more, it prompts us to act.

“Do the best you can until you know better. Then when you know better, do better.”

-Maya Angelou

I’ve been thinking about the correct response to our current reality. For those of us who can still breathe, what is our responsibility? What can we do to correct the flaws in our society that would limit the potential of some of our beautiful fellow humans?

Humility.

First and foremost, we need humility. We must acknowledge we do not know and cannot know what people who don’t look like us have experienced or felt. From a place of humility, we can learn. I do not know what I need to know about my black brothers and sisters, and the more I speak to friends and hear their stories, the more I realize I do not understand. Often fear is bred of ignorance, and we can overcome ignorance by learning. We can learn about the experiences of our sisters and brothers whose lives may not be the same as ours, and in so doing we can eradicate ignorance, unseat ignorance-based fear, and build bridges that strengthen our society and unlock potential for all citizens.

A Day of Learning and Reflection.

To create space for learning and reflection, XANT offices are closed today in recognition of Juneteenth. In addition to celebrating the emancipation of black slaves in the United States, we will take this opportunity to learn more about our brothers and sisters and their experiences in today’s society. I encourage all of us to connect with someone from whose experience we can learn. I encourage all of us to spend time listening to each other’s stories, becoming familiar with each other’s experiences and working to eliminate the ignorance that fuels misunderstanding, fear, suspicion, and even hate.

Reconciliation.

It is impossible, in my opinion, to make up for hate crimes that have plagued our society in the past. But we must tear down barriers of prejudice and racism today. Please join us in being part of the solution. Please join us in working to understand and love and embrace our fellow humans and cheer for their success. Please join us in helping create equal opportunity for all people to bring their talents and skills to bear without fear of prejudice, rejection, or even violence. Take time today as a day of learning, reflection, and reconciliation. For the XANT family, these are high priorities. We want to be inclusive and supportive of people of all races, genders, nationalities, abilities, and belief systems. We want all people to live up to their potential. We see a world where we make it easier for each other, not harder, to contribute talents. We see a future where love and understanding trump fear and hatred. We stand with our colleagues of color, with our colleagues of all nationalities, with our LGBTQ colleagues, with our colleagues of various abilities, and with all colleagues whose talents and contributions can and will make the world a better place.

It is no longer enough to simply not be racist. We have an obligation to act. The XANT family will continue to use this platform to share the changes we are making and the actions we are taking to do our part to eradicate racism.